In this animated parody of the Spider-Man: No Way Home trailer, MJ develops arachno-boyfriend-phobia, Aunt May maykes a mint, Wong heads off and Peter parkours his way into the Multiverse after checking in with the resident Doctor Strange for a spell, then says "No way, homie" to some surprise visitors from earlier attempts by Sony to speak Franch(ise).
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Oh look at this - this is a good one. “Some suggest that Parker’s powers include the male spider’s ability to hypnotise females.” That’s ridiculous. YOU WILL LOVE ME FOR ALL TIME!!! See? You weren’t even close to being hypnotised. Oh, that New York Post. They’ll print anything! By the way, can we just, like, stay up here all day? It is so crazy down there. Yeah...
Down there... it’s crazy. That’s right, folks! Spider-Man is in fact, Peter Parker! Also making news tonight: Doctor Strange is Doctor Strange! Listen. I did not kill Mysterio. The drones did. Oh we already talked to the drones. They were on vacation in the Florida Keys at the time of the murder.
They’re lying! Oh sure. A thousand different drones all made up the exact same story. Gimme a break, kid. You’re gonna burn for this. Does any part of you feel relieved about all this? What do you mean? Now that everybody knows, you don’t really have to hide, cheat, steal or lie to people. OK... Not sure about two of those, but for the record, I never wanted to lie to you.
But how do you tell someone that you’re Spider-Man? For the record, this was the worst way to tell me! Haha! Hola, MJ! Peter es el hombre araña! But this isn’t about me. This is hurting a lot of people. I love being famous. This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me! This publicity has saved me from charity work.
I’ve dropped the “non-“ and I’m just making profit! I’ve just been thinking about... how to fix all of this. Can Winnie the Pooh somehow fix all of this? Or maybe I should go to Doctor Strange for help. Winnie the Pooh...? No, Strange. Definitely Strange. So, Peter. Pardon the mess - I spilt some cocaine at Wong’s going-away party last night.
I’m sorry to bother you, sir... Please. You watched me save the universe - I think we’re beyond you calling me “sir”. OK. Madame? How can I help you, Peter? When Mysterio revealed my identity, my entire life got royally made love to. I was wondering if maybe you could make it so that he never did? Strange. Don’t cast that spell.
It’s too dangerous. Fine. I won’t. A wink! Nice! I heard that! Don’t you dare cast that spell, Strange-- Well now I have to cast two spells because that obviously can’t happen. The entire world is about to forget that Peter Parker is Spider-Man and Wong still has a head. Wait - everyone? Can’t some people still know?
That’s not how the spell works. So... MJ’s gonna forget that we’re together and that she popped my cherry? And now I want to forget so let’s add that in there. Oh my god - Ned! He’s my best platonic friend. Oh- my Aunt May should really know… Stop tampering with the spell. Oh and the Avengers need to know! Not that they return any of my calls-- Oh and Uncle Ben! No wait he’s dead - scratch that.
Um… Stop talking! Oh who am I forgetting? Oh and there was this detective at the police station… I felt like he really understood what I was going through. Oh there's so many people I want to remember... Shut the f up Peter... Wait a second - I’m part of the entire world! I can’t forget that I’m Spider-Man - I’d lose all my self-confidence! Damn it, Pete! Shamballa! What just happened?
Peter, three things you never talk during: Movies, erotic massages, and spells. Well... can’t we just retract the spell or cast a reverse spell--? No, Parker - there’s no undo button here! Well what’s that? Wasn’t fast enough. Peter. Would you please step outside for a minute? O-kay... I’M GONNA KILL THAT LITTLE BRAT!!!!
Yikes. I wonder who made him so angry. Yikes. I wonder who made him so angry. We diddled with the stability of space-time. THAT’S A PRETTY BIG SINK-HOLE! The multiverse is a concept about which we know frighteningly little. How little? We know nothing. Told you it was frightening.
The problem is you trying to live two different lives and ride eight different train carriages. That’s only four each life! The longer you do it, the more ridonculous it becomes. Ah, there you are! I’ve been semi-looking everywhere for you. Be careful which coked-up lunatic performs your spells for you, Parker. Hello, Peter. Don’t recall ever meeting you, but gonna assume you’re not a friendly. My god. Peter Parker is Spider-Man?
Hey everyone - Peter Parker is Spider-Man! Someone call the newspaper! Hello Daily Bugle? Yeah Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Dang it, I just got that fixed! Spider-Man! No. Please don’t do this. You gotta help me - please! I spilt some calamari on my shirt!
I’m afraid it’s gonna stain! What is wrong with you? Why can’t you ever appreciate that I’m currently indisposed? Oh I see! You complete a full trilogy of solo movies and now you think you’re Tobey freakin’ Maguire! Well just let me wallow in my own filth then! I’d hate to smear your pristine reputation! Don’t worry Ma’am! I’m back! The OG Spider-Man will save you.
Mmm! It’s good. Don’t continue to worry Ma’am! The Amazing Spider-Man... will save you too. Mmm. Oh, it’s good. And the Spider-Man with the highest approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes will save you three. Mmm. This is the best calamari I’ve ever tasted.
This isn’t seafood. This is A+ food! Mm, mm, mm. It’s amazing. UN-BE-LIEVABLE! Of all the infinite multiple verses out there, I’m hoping this is the one in which you subscribe to ArtSpear Entertainment. I mean there can only be one. Is there a universe in which you’re not a Mysterio murderer? I didn’t kill Mysterio - it was the drones! Peter when are you gonna stop blaming drones for all your wrongdoings?
Come on - you know it was the drones - you were there! Yeah, about that... You’re a hologram too?? Then who have I been dating this whole time?? Don’t pretend like you didn’t love it, Tiger! [PETER] Yeeks! The Aunt May in this O.G. Spider-Verseis illogically old! [AUNT MAY] Oh Peter! Is there a reality out there in which your uncle Ben is still alive?
[PETER] No, I’ve checked every one and he’s dead in all of them. [AUNT MAY] Oh, I miss him. [PETER] Yeah I’ll tell you who didn’t miss him: The guy who shot him! Um... is it too soon to make that joke in this universe?