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Nothing sets the mood at an orgy quite like social distancing rules and written contact records, as participants in the Naughty N'awlins event found out when they plowed ahead with their gathering and ended up creating a hotbed of contagion. #Colbert #Monologue #NewOrleans

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New Orleans Orgy Organizers Regret Lax Enforcement Of Social Distancing Rules - download from YouTube for free

New Orleans Orgy Organizers Regret Lax Enforcement Of Social Distancing Rules - download from YouTube for free

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW." LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE. JON, HELLO. ( WHISTLING ) I LOVE YOUR-- YOUR MUSICAL BIRD-LIKE LANGUAGE. JON, I GOTTA GIVE YOU A WARNING HERE. WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT IN THIS ACT OF THE SHOW IS FOR MATURE AUDIENCES. NOT THAT YOU'RE NOT A MATURE PERSON, BUT I KNOW YOU'RE PURE AS THE DRIVEN SNOW. I WOULDN'T WANT TO SCANDALIZE YOU, OKAY. BETTER A MILL STONE SHOULD BE TIED AROUND MY NECK AND CAST INTO THE DEEPEST PART OF THE RIVER THAN ONE SHOULD SCANDALIZE HIS BAND LEADER. >> Jon: OH!

I LIKE THE TWIST ON THAT. I LIKE THAT! COME ON, MAN! >> Stephen: JUST KEEP IT IN MIND. HOW ARE YOU FEELING? >> Jon: I'M-- I'M FEELING LIKE I HAVE WHIPLASH. THIS WHOLE YEAR HAS FELT-- IT'S JUST SO MUCH TO PROCESS. IT'S FELT LIKE A QUICK SPIN, AND NOW THE INERTIA IS JUST-- MY BODY HAS LANDED RIGHT HERE. >> Stephen: I HAVE DONE SOME SAILING WHERE YOU GO TO SEA FOR A WEEK AND YOU COME BACK AND YOU'RE STILL BUT THE WHOLE WORLD IS MOVING. THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE RIGHT NOW.

HE COULD BE LEAVING, AND THE VACCINE IS COMING. I'M SWIMMING WITH THE POSSIBILITIES. >> Jon: I'M REALLY HOPING IT IS OVER, WHATEVER THAT MEANS, AND THAT THIS IS A NEW BEGINNING. BUT, YOU KNOW, WE JUST GOT TO JUST TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING-- DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING CALM THAT COULD-- THAT COULD TURN MY SOUL INTO A STILL SHIP ON A SILENT SEA. >> Jon: I LIKE WHAT YOU WERE DEALING WITH WHEN YOU HIT ME UP. YOU SAID... ♪ ♪ ♪ 250 YEARS. >> Stephen: WOW. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW BEETHOVEN COULD SWING.

>> Jon: OH, YEAH. IT'S BEEN 250 YEARS. HE LEARNED A THING OR TWO, YOU KNOW. >> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU, JON. >> Jon: OF COURSE. >> Stephen: OF COURSE, THE PANDEMIC CONTINUES TO RAGE, BUT THERE'S HOPE ON THE HORIZON. I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON TRYING NOT TO CATCH IT IN TONIGHT'S INSTALLMENT OF THIRD... >> THIS WILL BE A DECEMBER TO FUHGEDDABOUTIT! HEY I'M -- >> Stephen: GOOD ENOUGH.

TWO COMPANIES, MODERNA AND PFIZER, HAVE VACCINES THAT ARE TANTALIZINGLY CLOSE TO MARKET, JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS. SO THIS YEAR'S FAVORITE STOCKING STUFFER IS GOING TO BE HYPODERMIC NEEDLES. IN PREPARATION, YESTERDAY, THE C.D.C. CAME OUT WITH GUIDELINES THAT SAY ONCE THEY'RE AVAILABLE, THE FIRST PEOPLE TO GET THE VACCINE WILL BE HEALTHCARE WORKERS AND PEOPLE IN NURSING HOMES. THAT'S GREAT NEWS, BECAUSE THESE DAYS, EVERYBODY'S SITTING ON THE COUCH IN THEIR SOFT CLOTHES WATCHING "WHEEL OF FORTUNE," SO, TECHNICALLY, WE'RE ALL IN NURSING HOMES. THEN, IN FEBRUARY OR MARCH, THE NEXT PRIORITY GROUPS ARE LIKELY TO BE PEOPLE OVER 65. FINALLY, BY APRIL, OR JUNE, HEALTHY, NONESSENTIAL WORKERS YOUNGER THAN 65 WILL BEGIN RECEIVING THE VACCINE. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. ACCORDING TO THE C.D.C., I'M YOUNG! WOO!

TIME TO FORTNITE AN ELECTRIC SCOOTER WHILE VAPING A DAB! WHO'S WAP, NOW? ME? BECAUSE I SERIOUSLY DO NOT KNOW. WHAT A WAP IS. NOW, WE'VE ALL HEARD THE STORIES OF PEOPLE FLOUTING C.D.C. GUIDELINES TO COME TOGETHER EN MASSE FOR TRADITIONAL LATE-NOVEMBER GET-TOGETHERS. I DON'T MEAN THANKSGIVING. I'M TALKING ABOUT ORGIES-- WHAT IS THAT IMAGE? WHAT-- OH!

OH, MY. BOTH ENVELOPE STUFFING. ( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE APPARENTLY, A "NEW ORLEANS SWINGERS EVENT BECAME A 'SUPERSPREADER' AFTER 41 ATTENDEES TESTED POSITIVE FOR CORONAVIRUS." TECHNICALLY, EVERY ORGY INVOLVES "SUPER SPREADING." ALSO, LET'S LOOK AT THAT NUMBER AGAIN. "41?" THAT'S INTERESTING, AN ODD NUMBER. THAT MEANS 20 COUPLES AND KARL. ( LAUGHTER ) THE EVENT IN QUESTION WAS THE ANNUAL "NAUGHTY IN N'AWLINS" SWINGERS GATHERING. OH, NO! BUT IF THIS CAN HAPPEN AT NAUGHTY IN N'AWLINS, IT CAN HAPPEN ANYWHERE! I'M LOOKING AT YOU, DIRTY IN DETROIT, DOMINATION IN DES MOINES, FLESH FEST IN FLAGSTAFF, BONE JAM IN BIRMINGHAM, AND BUTTE STUFF. WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING?

EVERYONE, EXCEPT THE ORGANIZERS OF NAUGHTY IN N'AWLINS, WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD CREATE GUIDELINES TO MAKE THE SAFE SEX EVENT SAFE FOR SEX. FOR EXAMPLE, THERE WAS NO DANCE FLOOR, SO ATTENDEES INSTEAD SWAYED IN PLACE AT THEIR TABLES. ELIMINATING DANCING TO KEEP YOUR SWINGERS' CONVENTION SAFE IS LIKE LEAVING THE SPRINKLES OFF YOUR ICE CREAM CONE BEFORE YOU RUB IT ON YOUR JUNK. ( LAUGHTER ) PARTICIPANTS WERE ALSO ASKED TO KEEP DETAILED DIARIES OF EVERYONE THEY HAD CONTACT WITH FOR MORE THAN 10 MINUTES AT THE CONVENTION, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THAT CONTACT INVOLVED SEX, BECAUSE NOTHING SETS THE MOOD AT AN ANONYMOUS FLESH PIT LIKE DETAILED WRITTEN RECORDS. PLUS, IT WOULD BE FUN FOR YOUR GRANDKIDS TO FIND. SURPRISINGLY, THE CITY WAS ON BOARD WITH THE EVENT. ONE NEW ORLEANS SPOKESMAN SAID THEY EXPECTED "FULL COMPLIANCE" WITH SAFETY GUIDELINES. THERE'S YOUR MISTAKE: NOT EVERYONE'S INTO FULL COMPLIANCE. SOME PEOPLE ARE ONLY COMPLIANCE CURIOUS. AND SOME JUST LIKE TO STAND IN THE CORNER AND WATCH OTHER PEOPLE COMPLY.

LIKE KARL. UNFORTUNATELY, ATTENDEES GOT A LITTLE TIRED OF COMPLYING. ACCORDING TO THE EVENT'S ORGANIZER, "THEY WERE SUPER DILIGENT ON THE FIRST TWO DAYS, AND THEN THEY SAID, "(BLEEP) IT. IT'S OUR LAST DAY." REALLY, ON THE LAST DAY OF AN ORGY CONVENTION IS WHEN PEOPLE SAID " (BLEEP) IT"? I ASSUME THAT'S WHEN THEY SAY WHEN THEY FIRE THE STARTER PISTOL. TURNS OUT, IT'S NOT SO EASY TO MAINTAIN PROPER SOCIAL DISTANCING IN THE RUB ROOM, BECAUSE JUST ONE DAY AFTER THE EVENT ENDED, THEY HAD THEIR FIRST REPORTED COVID CASE. THE EVENT ORGANIZER SAID, "IT WAS A WIFE WHO TESTED POSITIVE, BUT HER HUSBAND TESTED NEGATIVE." OUCH. I THINK I KNOW WHO GOT NAUGHTIER IN N'AWLINS. ( FAKING COUGHS ) "OOH, YEAH, HONEY. I THINK I HAVE IT, TOO.

MUST BE THE EQUAL AMOUNTS OF CRAZY COOL SEX WE BOTH HAD AT THE ORGY." ( COUGHING ) GIVEN THE OUTCOME, THE NAUGHTY IN N'AWLINS ORGANIZERS ADMIT THEY DO HAVE REGRETS, WITH ONE SAYING, "IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME, I WOULD NOT PRODUCE THIS EVENT AGAIN." ( LAUGHTER ) "ONE, BECAUSE OF THE VIRUS. TWO, BECAUSE I'D USE MY TIME MACHINE TO PRODUCE "GETTING FREAKY WITH THE GREEKY: FULL RELEASE IN GREECE!" TAP THAT, ATHENS! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KATE WINSLET. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪